Tony Kornheiser on Monday Night Football

WaPo humor columnist Gene Weingarten takes on his colleague Tony Kornheiser’s performance on Monday Night Football, hoping to get some attention. It’s pretty funny as a parody of a critique.

A sampling:

The failed Kornheiser stewardship of “Monday Night Football’s” color chair last night took yet another bumbling misstep toward its inevitable humiliating collapse. Even before the Post columnist and ESPN personality uttered his first words, it was clear he was in trouble, as he had still not succeeded in physically resembling a gentile. As an obvious “Jewish guy,” Kornheiser’s sports-cred deficit was exposed once again, compared with his co-hosts, the “black guy” and the “ex-jock.”

Indeed.

Teen posed as reporter at Shea Stadium

From AP-

NEW YORK – Ryan Leli loves the Mets. The Suffolk County teenager loved the Mets so much that authorities say he posed as a reporter to get into Shea Stadium and talk with players.

Police arrested the 18-year-old Leli Friday night at Shea just before the start of the New York Mets- Colorado Rockies game and charged him with impersonating a journalist, the Queens District Attorney announced Saturday.

Prosecutors say Leli told New York Mets management that he worked for NBC Universal and showed a fake NBC employee identification card so he could get press credentials.

Leli first used the press pass to attend an Aug. 10 game between the Mets and the San Diego Padres. Authorities said Leli used the pass to approach and chat with players including Mike Piazza before and after that game.

Leli used the fake NBC identification again Friday to get another press pass for the Mets-Rockies game.

Mets management apparently became suspicious and contacted authorities.

Leli was also charged with criminal possession of a forged instrument, falsifying business records, larceny, criminal possession of stolen property, criminal impersonation and criminal trespass.

He was arraigned Saturday in Queens Criminal Court and released on his own recognizance.

Leli was scheduled to return to court on Sept. 27. He faces up to seven years in prison if he’s convicted.

Seven years would seem a little extreme for what Leli did. How much did this guy get for parachuting into Shea Stadium in 1986? A plane flying in restricted airspace was far more serious than what Leli did.

Oh and besides, I can name at least one long-time sportswriter who has been impersonating a reporter for years.

Jesse Barfield Shoved Down Stairs by Son Jeremy

Jesse Barfield escaped with only minor injuries after being shoved down a flight of stairs. By his son.

Former All-Star outfielder Jesse Barfield was taken to a hospital Sunday after he suffered a head injury when he was shoved down a flight of stairs by his 18-year-old son, the Houston Chronicle reported. Barfield, 46, was treated and released, but Jeremy Barfield was arrested shortly after 8 a.m., the newspaper reported.

The younger Barfield, a high school star outfielder, was drafted in the ninth round by the New York Mets in June. According to a spokesperson for the sheriff’s office, Barfield will face a Class A misdemeanor charge of family assault, KTRK of Houston reported. The Harris County District Attorney’s office has accepted that charge, according to the ABC affiliate. “[Jeremy] and his father had some kind of argument that apparently took place on the stairs in his house,” Lt. John Martin, a spokesman for the Harris County Sheriff’s Department, told the Chronicle. “The father was lower on [the] stairs than Jeremy was and … at some point during argument, Jeremy shoved him and he ended up falling down the stairs and struck his head pretty hard on the floor.”

Sad.

Gumbel Says Upshaw Incompetent, Tagliabue’s Pet

Bryant Gumbel is in hot water with the NFL Network after making some disparaging remarks about outgoing NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue and player’s union head Gene Upshaw.

The job status of Bryant Gumbel, scheduled to be the play-by-play broadcaster on the eight late-season games on the NFL’s in-house network, could be the subject of a discussion by NFL officials after Gumbel’s suggestion that Paul Tagliabue show his successor “where he keeps Gene Upshaw’s leash.” Tagliabue said Monday that incoming commissioner Roger Goodell and Steve Bornstein, who runs the NFL Network, will discuss the remarks after Goodell takes office Sept. 1.

Gumbel addressed his closing remarks on HBO’s “Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel” last Tuesday to Goodell. “Before he cleans out his office,” Gumbel said. “Have Paul Tagliabue show you where he keeps Gene Upshaw’s leash. By making the docile head of the players union his personal pet, your predecessor has kept the peace without giving players the kind of guarantees other pros take for granted. Try to make sure no one competent ever replaces Upshaw on your watch.”

Tagliabue strongly disagreed with the tenor of Gumbel’s comments. “I think things that Bryant Gumbel said about Gene Upshaw and the owners are about as uninformed as anything I’ve read or heard in a long, long time, and quite inexcusable because they are subjects about which you can and should be better informed,” Tagliabue said.

Tagliabue was also asked if he thought Gumbel should remain with the network. “Having looked at how other people have had buyer’s remorse when they took positions, I guess they suggest to me that maybe he’s having buyer’s remorse and they call into question his desire to do the job and to do it in a way that we in the NFL would expect it to be done,” the commissioner said.

Gumbel is a superb sports commentator and has earned the right to say what he thinks. I happen to disagree with him on this one, though. It’s true that Upshaw has not wrangled the same degree of salary protection for NFL players as other union heads have done in their sports. At the same time, it’s not coincidental that the NFL is the league that has managed to keep labor peace for years with no interruptions in play while growing into, by far, the biggest sports entity in the world. By not trying to wring out the last nickel, realizing that the players and owners have a symbiotic relationship, Tagliabue and Upshaw have kept the momentum going.

Further, it’s rather difficult to compare a sport with a 52-man roster to ones with 11- and 24-man rosters. It’s just a different animal.

Dallas Cowboys Roster Cuts

Mickey Spagnola has an excellent piece describing the agonizing process the Cowboys are going to have in getting down to 53 players. Finally, the team is in a position where it has a surplus of talent at several key positions and will have to cut ties with a lot of players they’d just as soon keep.

Do you go with youth and building a foundation for the future or do you go with veterans who are more inclined to help you win now?

[...]

[S]ince 1999, 49 of 54 draft choices at least have made the initial roster or were placed on injured reserve. That, though, was more of a sign this was a team in need of help or couldn’t afford to purchase adequate help in free agency because of salary cap limitations. A sure sign of that? Only 17 of those 49 from the past seven drafts are still on the roster – all from the 2003-05 drafts.

Parcells said he already has his top 39 players – 18 on offense, 18 on defense, along with a punter, kicker and deep snapper. “I will probably be at 45 or 47,” he said by after this game.

Here will likely be his most difficult decisions:

* How many wide receivers does he keep? Five as usual, or six because a couple of young guys force his hand? Sam Hurd, Jamaica Rector and Miles Austin are making life hard on Green and Terrance Copper, especially if the Cowboys should trade for a moderately experienced guy. And if you keep six receivers, then where do you shave from? Maybe only nine DB’s instead of 10? Maybe only nine offensive linemen?
* Does he go young or old at safety? Roy Williams, Keith Davis and Watkins are on this team. But if he keeps just four safeties, does he go with first-year guy Abram Elam, who he obviously is intrigued with, or veteran Marcus Coleman? Or must he keep five?
* Same at cornerback. The top three are locks, with Terence Newman, Anthony Henry and Aaron Glenn. But Jacques Reeves had a couple of rough days this past week, and Nate Jones is a hard kid to cut, but Quincy Butler is making a little noise, and do you keep less corners but more safeties?
* What about Fabini? The Cowboys signed the veteran tackle to be at least the swing guy and possibly the starter at right tackle. Monday night will be huge for Jason Fabini, because so far it doesn’t seem as if he’s got this team made, no matter the $1.7 million bonus he was paid. He will start at right tackle and play a half. Do you keep him just because of his experience, but at the expense of say McQuistan?

“Every coach comes to a point and looks at a veteran player,” Parcells said. “Where is he in this world? Where are we going to be six months from now? Where will we be one year from now?

“If the veteran player is definitely superior and gives you a better chance to win, that’s when the real conflict comes. If you think a month from now or six weeks from now or eight weeks from now this young player is going to be better than the veteran, then you have to bite the bullet.”

Parcells recalls this tough lesson learned back when he was the head coach of the Giants. He had veteran Tony Galbraith as his third-down back. But then, too, he had this rookie, Dave Meggett, who appeared to be a budding third-down back and kick returner, too. He could only keep one.

His GM at the time, the late George Young, told his young head coach this of Galbraith: “The day before he dies, he’s going to be able to beat someone out of the backfield.

“Do you like Meggett?”

“Yes,” Parcells recalled his response.

“Then don’t stop progress” were Young’s words to Parcells. “Don’t stop progress.”

Parcells says he has remembered that forever more, and he now has Cowboys owner Jerry Jones asking the same question when it gets down to the nitty-gritty, veteran vs. youngster: “Is he a progress-stopper?” Jones will ask.

Nobody has offered to make me an NFL coach, GM, or scout and for good reason. Still, Young’s advice accords with my own philosophy: If there’s any question as to whether to keep–or for that matter, start in an early season game–a veteran (or senior) or a rookie (or freshman), they you go with youth. If the experienced guy is just barely ahead of the kid despite the experience, then it stands to reason that getting a little experience will make the kid better in the not-so-long run.

Tiger, Ryder and Morgan

With one round to go, Tiger Woods is tied for the lead at the PGA Championship. If he wins, this will be Woods 12th Major Championship. From AP-

MEDINAH, Ill. – The PGA Championship has rarely looked so easy. With Tiger Woods atop the leaderboard, winning the final major of the year could still be as hard as ever.

His final birdie Saturday came on the par-3 17th hole, a 12-foot putt that nearly spun out of the side of the cup. Woods was walking to the hole when he stopped, sighed when it dropped, then pointed his finger at the cup as if reminding his golf ball to behave.

It led to a 7-under 65, matching the course record at Medinah.

And it left him tied at the top with British-born Luke Donald, who knows as well as anyone that Woods is 11-0 when he has at least a share of the 54-hole lead in the majors.

“His numbers are obviously impressive and that’s why he’s the best player in the world,” Donald said after his 66. “He knows that just playing his game is going to be good enough, usually.”

But this is a new game for Woods.

The notion of par being a good score in the Grand Slam events was laughable at Medinah, where soft greens have allowed Woods, Donald and everyone else to take dead aim at the flag, forcing them to make birdies simply to stay in the hunt.

Both made their share to finish at 14-under 202, matching the record in relation to par for this major. David Toms led at 14-under 196 when he won the PGA Championship five years ago in Atlanta.

“Most majors … you’re just trying to survive and make pars,” Woods said. “Tomorrow, I think anyone who wants to win this championship has to make some birdies.”

Mike Weir made nine of them and also shot 65, putting him two shots behind at 204. U.S. Open champion Geoff Ogilvy recovered from a double bogey on his first hole to shoot 68 and was at 11-under 205. Another shot behind was Sergio Garcia, runner-up to Woods at Medinah seven years ago, and former PGA champion Shaun Micheel.

Last month at the British Open I thought Tiger’s win streak of winning every major he led going into Sunday was going to end. No such prediction this time, I think Tiger will shoot a 68 and win by three.

Tiger has plenty of challengers. I’d be most concerned about Mike Weir. I just don’t see Woods losing.

Other golf notes

*- If Tiger wins today he’ll become the first golfer to win the PGA Championship twice on the same course. He won the 99 PGA at Medinah also.

CBS announcers acted surprised during yesterday’s broadcast at this feat never happening before. It doesn’t surprise me. The PGA has had a history of playing the championship on mediocre courses as one shot deals. Look at where the PGA was played in the 60′s, Columbine, Pecan Valley, Columbus CC. You probably say what? Some of the PGA’s choices in the late 80′s weren’t very inspired either, Kemper Lakes, Oak Tree and PGA National. Don’t forget Vahalla either, if not for a change of heart by the PGA it would have hosted three PGAs from 96 to 2004. Vahalla is not a championship golf course.

With the exception of the 96 and 00 Championships at Vahalla, all PGAs held at the same course have come at least 6 years(Firestone CC for the 1960 and 1966 PGAs) apart. Most come over 10 years apart.(82 and 94 at Southern Hills) When a major is played at the same course with a gap of over 10 years, the chances are different winners will occur

*- Unlike last year, the golf is likely to end today. CBS for some unknown reason likes to tempt the Gods by having their majors run till dusk. Last year’s PGA had to be finished on Monday morning. I didn’t mind since I was in the hospital recovering from a pulmonary embolism at the time. It gave me something to do besides watch John Wayne movies on AMC. CBS let down millions of other golf viewers with their dumb programming schedule.

This year’s PGA is being played outside of Chicago. The 7 pm EST time finish has a two hour cushion in case of a playoff or weather delays.

*- The finish of the PGA is important to determining who will be on the Ryder Cup team this fall. Lucas Glover, Tim Herron and Davis Love can all make the team if they finish in the top 10.

US Ryder Cup Captain Tom Lehman will make his two Captain’s selections tomorrow morning. I’d pick David Toms and Davis Love.

*- South Florida teenager Morgan Pressel is tied for the lead going into the final round of the LPGA’s Safeway Classic. Its been an up and door year for Morgan. The highly touted(and I may say over publicized) rookie is still seeking her first win on the ladies tour.

I won’t hazard a guess at who will win today. Morgan is in a four way tie for the lead with Jeong Jang, Candie Kung and Jenna Daniels. With stalwarts Hee Won Han and Juli Inkster one back and other fine players like Christina Kim, Mi Hyun ‘Peanut’ Kim, Pat Hurst and a few more within 3 shots, it should be a good finish.

Report says Marion Jones failed Drug test

From AP

Five-time Olympic medalist Marion Jones, once the charming, dominating face of track and field around the world, failed an initial drug test at the U.S. championships in June, people familiar with the results told The Associated Press on Friday.

Jones’ “A” sample tested positive June 23 for the banned performance enhancer EPO at the event in Indianapolis, one source told the AP on condition of anonymity because the official results are not yet public.

The 30-year-old sprinter made a triumphant return to the sport’s center stage in Indianapolis, with a victory in the 100 meters, her 14th U.S. title but first since 2002.

*****

Jones’ mix of talent and personality helped her dominate the sport in the late 1990s after a standout career in track and basketball at North Carolina.

At the 2000 Sydney Games, she became the first woman to win five Olympic medals in track and field. Jones, who trained with Trevor Graham at the time, won gold in the 100 meters, 200 meters and 1,600-meter relay and bronze in the long jump and 400-meter relay.

Since then, however, Jones, one of several athletes who testified to the federal grand jury investigating BALCO in 2003, has been dogged by doping suspicions.

*****

Jones was making a comeback this season after years of struggle.

After taking 2003 off for the birth of her son, she struggled but made the U.S. 2004 Olympic team in the long jump. Jones, who also competed in the 4×100 relay, failed to medal at the games.

If the test results are true, it looks to me as if Ms. Jones took a gambe in order to get back to the top of her sport. How Jones could ever think that she’d get away with it is beyond me. Expect to hear denials and the flaxseed oil or something I ate excuse soon.

At present I’m reading ‘Game of Shadows’ about the Balco scandal. It details Marion Jones use of steroids. Jones is a proven cheater and should retire or better yet be banned for life,

Maurice Clarett has ties to alleged Israeli mobster?

From ESPN.com

Maurice Clarett was bankrolled by an alleged member of an Israeli crime organization after leaving Ohio State, ESPN has learned, and Clarett’s attorney said Thursday that his client may have been in possession of firearms last week to protect himself against mob activity.

Clarett’s attorney, Nick Mango, said Thursday that Clarett has repeatedly received death threats over the past year but that a cryptic postcard sent from Los Angeles last week has him wondering about Clarett’s ties to an alleged mob enforcer.

In the late summer of 2004, ESPN has learned, Clarett traveled to Los Angeles and was introduced by a rapper friend to Hai Waknine, 35, a convicted felon who federal prosecutors believe is a member of an Israeli crime organization called The Jerusalem Group. Waknine, who at the time was facing a federal indictment on extortion and money-laundering charges, became Clarett’s sponsor and adviser, along with Waknine’s attorney, David Kenner. Waknine provided Clarett with cash, a BMW, bodyguards, drivers and beachfront lodging in Malibu, Calif., with the understanding that he would be reimbursed and receive 60 percent of Clarett’s rookie contract.

*****

After Clarett was arrested last week, allegedly wearing a bulletproof vest and possessing four guns and a hatchet, Clarett’s attorneys say they received an anonymous phone call alerting them to Clarett’s ties to Waknine. They grew more suspicious when they received the threatening postcard this week.

Mango said he is concerned that postcard, sent to his law office in Columbus, Ohio, may have come from Waknine.

“That’s our question, whether it’s from him or people associated with that scene out there,” Mango told ESPN. “Again, it came from Los Angeles, and we don’t know what to make of that. … We’re going to turn this over to someone in law enforcement and see what they think [of the postcard]. … We’ve always felt he had some reasons to fear for his safety, and we don’t think any of his actions the night he was arrested — despite the way it’s been spun — were that he was a threat to anyone else but more of him being in fear for his safety for quite some time.”

Mango also said he believes Clarett’s debt may have something to do with the threats.

Well duh, if you’re in hock to someone in organized crime, I think that’s a possible reason for threats against your life.

This theory proposed by the Clarett’s defense just seems nuts to me. Kind of reminiscent of some of the theories thrown up during OJ Simpson’s defense during his murder trial. Why would a mobster give a football player who isn’t even playing the arrangement Clarett’s attorney is suggesting? Would they also be sending threatening postcards?

If true, just one more bizarre twist to this young man’s life. Here’s hoping Clarett gets his act together before he is just one more statistic.

Hat tip- Below the Beltway

Junior Seau with Patriots?

It looks like Junior Seau’s retirement party will have to wait.

Three days after announcing his retirement from the National Football League, former Chargers linebacker Junior Seau could be on the verge of returning. Two league sources confirmed that Seau will fly to New England tonight [Thursday]and, if things go well, could sign with the Patriots by the end of the week.

The Chargers also seemed to confirm it, issuing this statement late Thursday afternoon: “Junior left a message for Chargers President Dean Spanos today alerting him that he may sign a contract and play for the New England Patriots. If in fact he chooses to continue his playing career, we wish him good health and the best of luck this season. Junior’s place in the Chargers’ Hall of Fame awaits him when his career is over.”

[...]

Seau, 37, is expected to play middle linebacker with New England. Current starter Tedy Bruschi is sidelined with a wrist injury and fellow inside linebackers Monty Beisel and Freddie Roach have been battling injuries as well.

[...]

Before his retirement ceremony Monday, Seau, a 12-time Pro Bowl selection, said he was leaving the game because there wasn’t a team that needed him. He said there were clubs that wanted him, but not one that viewed him as a key element to winning a championship.

Interesting. Frankly, if someone’s still willing to pay him, there’s not much upside to retiring.